she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
