Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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