before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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