I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize