He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
