Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
