You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize