What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
