Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
