yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
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