dude i'm inner monologue high
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
