Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
