He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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