Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
