So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he thought i was a dude.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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