Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He felt like a one man threesome
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
