Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
