im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
