I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
