Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
