Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
