Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
