last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
