I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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