I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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