I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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