You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
this just has baby written all over it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
