put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
