i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Holy sore nipples Batman
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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