how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
