my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
