And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
