I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
