conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
smell my finger.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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