i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
