Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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