Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize