i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
