How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
