Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
