It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm sobbing to NWA
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
