i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
