and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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