I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
