He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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