Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
