There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i already hear my dad disowning me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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