I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
