The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
