and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
