Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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