the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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