Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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