I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The power of my boobs compel you
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
