We're facebook friends in real life
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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