i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
