I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
