I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
