guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Everyone says I win the strip club
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
