if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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