yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
