its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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