you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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