He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
