At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
