I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
That accounts for only three of the penises
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
