My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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