well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
