I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
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