i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
