when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
