There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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